The "C" Word

How do I begin? Where do I start? 

This thing..this disease has caused my family too much hurt, too much heartache. To quote a dear friend, "I have a bad attitude towards cancer," and so does the rest of our clan. Lung. Brain. Breast. The parts of our bodies that allow us breath, thought, love....the most quintessential pieces of ourselves can be ravaged by this one vicious enemy, this cancer. 

This thing...this disease has brought us down to our lowest lows. It has enhanced our worst qualities. Warning: ferocious when hungry (and sad.) Warning: no sound train of thought, (especially during tough times.) Warning: emotionally unstable, might burst into tears at the drop of a hat, (or the sight of a pink ribbon.) It takes away the strength of those it latches onto, this cancer. 

This thing...this disease has left us feeling hopeless one too many times. I have felt angry at cancer more times than I can count. We have all felt angry at cancer. We're a big, angry-at-cancer army. Angry. Hopeless. Heartbroken. The most fearless of fighers can feel cowardly in the shadow of this one contemptible condition, this cancer.

This thing...this disease has stolen from us. It has stolen some smiles. It has stolen some time. It has stolen some lives. It is a thief that is often unable to be caught. Stop stealing from us! It is a criminal for which there is often no reckoning, this cancer. 

We're lost. We're broken. We're angry. We're missing pieces, but......

But. 

We, who are lost, who have lost our breath, thought and love to cancer can be found.

We, who are broken, who are exhausted by the less-than-charming characteristics cancer brings out, can endure.

We, who are angry, who are an army of utterly and fervently ticked-off-at-cancer people, can find peace.

We, who are missing pieces, who are left with fragments of smiles, of time, of memories, can find a way to become whole.  

But, how? 

It's only through each other. It is only with the help of those closest to us that we can take our lost, broken, angry pieces and put them together to become something whole, and something good. It is only through hugging at the dinner table, that we can squeeze away the heartache. It is only through shared  smiles-through-tears that we can, eventually, see a rainbow through a perpetual dark cloud. It is only through a firm resolve to find delight in every day, in every teeny-tiny blessing, that we can erase the anger.

Our lost-ness makes us brave. Our brokenness makes us durable. Our anger makes us determined. Brave enough to face another day of fighting. Durable enough to make a lasting impression of love on everyone surrounding us. Determined enough to keep sticking out that stubborn chin that we're all famous for, to show "the 'C' word" that we're going to find happiness and blessings amidst the chaos it has caused.

Woven together, our bravery, our endurance, our determination creates a 1000 count cotton sheet of support. Support that will be sturdy enough to catch us when we fall. Support that will be delicate enough to know when it's okay for us to just say nothing. Support that will be warm enough to comfort us even in the most discomforting of times. Support that comes from friends, from family and from faith. Support that stems from smiles. Support that grows and grows and grows with each passing day. Support that emerges when we pray. When we pray out loud, when we pray together, and when we pray silently for peace, for comfort, and for joy to head in the direction of those who have been hurt by cancer...that is when our finespun sheet of support is felt the most. 

So, keep being brave. Keep enduring. Keep being resolved to find the good that God has given us. Keep praying. Through our friends, through our family and through our faith, we press on, and we 

stay strong.